Would you choose a career that pays more or one that you always wanted to do someday? Obviously it’ll be nice if you can get both, but not possible always, right? One thing is for sure, as you get older you tend to get attracted to the financial aspect of the career you choose. And you make decisions keeping that aspect in mind. Since I havent been employed much (damn I need a job), I’m still after something that satisfies me as a feild to take up. Ever since final year of med school it’s been surgery, but too many things of late is chanllenging that goal. Raising questions as to the point of chasing such a dream when it pays off relatively little on the long run. So many freaking questions I dont wanna answer, so that I can get on with persuing what I always wanted to do. The part of my mind which is raising these questions got a point too. If you’re not financially well off and independent, how are you going to sustain that dream? So I have doubts about which way I wanna go right now. As I take more and more time to make these decisions, it’s going to be the monetary factor I’ll take into consideration. So much for my ambitions.. They might remain a dream.

Weekly whinning

Hey you guys.. how has it been? Didn’t write something down in a long time. Felt you guys must be missing my whinning posts so here I am updating on the latest. Life’s easy nowdays but not always satisfying. I keep telling myself I deserve this break after the slavery I went through in the desert but its not convinsing. I have time for the finer things in life. Time to do stuff I always wanted to do. Like catching up on the missed times with my relatives, especially the older ones who I’ve persistently ignored (not intentionally) over a long period. And I’ve had fun doing it. So I dont regret coming back. One of the few right decisions I’ve made this year. Cant wait till this dreaded year is over. (there I started some whinning, just when you thought I’m content with life).  

Leaving..

Finally saying goodbye to the desert. All the waiting, all the counting days is over. Not exactly the way I planned to leave this place considering its 2 months premature but I’ll settle for this. Just like I was sure that i should be coming here 4 months back, now I’m sure its time to leave. Feel like singing ‘leaving on a jet plane’ by John Denver but with a happy mood. More assignments awaits me back home but I’ve learned how to whether storms. The desert has taught me that much atleast. But the future still remains uncertain. I’m more messed up than my brother, who everybody thinks need help. But I know we’re going to come out of this.

All Blacks till I die.

 

The dream.

   Exactly one year after I met my ex-darling, set up by her best friend, she sees me in a dream in which we’re having a re-union. Its been 6 months since we broke up and last met. Never really got over the fact that she’s not in my life now. Never forgave myself either for messing things up with her. Anyway, in the dream, according to her, she’s crying and asking how I could be so unthoughtful to leave her. Who left whom in this relationship is still controversial. She had a weird way of showing that she still wants to see me after all the arguements we’ve been through. After all that drama, I was of the impression that its over between us. Till 14th of february (signifcant not because of v’tines day but because it was the day I left srilanka to come to the desert), I harboured that thought. That phonecall at the airport explained a few things. Out of which most important was that I cant read her very well. Thats why I think I deserve to be heartbroken.

Big day

If there's anything worse than attending weddings of your friends, its looking at wedding photos. You're supposed to feel happy for the couple, right? But how many of us are really 'happy for the couple'? All we can think about is how it must feel like for us to be up there. How we can organize our weddings better. How we can be more creative with the wedding cake wrapper. (This is of course if the couple is not a first degree relative of yours). Then there's the wedding present which you have to carefully choose in order not to annoy, dissapoint or shock the couple. My record with presents is not good at all. I mean I cant pick them right. I've given the worst presents ever. Once I gave my freind a hair straightning iron for their big day. She's got curly hair. What kind of message did it give? changing the hair style is the key to a succesful marriage? p.s- those two still doesnt talk to me.

Getting it all out..

I might end up becoming one of those snuf killers in the movie ‘hostel’ if they dont pass me in MRCS. I dont think I’ll be able to handle it. I mean I’ll try but if i cant come out of the devastation, some people will have to die. oh yes. Its not like I can get the dissapointment out by screaming on top of a building or going through a few rounds of shooting in a range. Feel sorry for those losers but atleast they’ll dying for a good cause. To keep an important person sane.

crusade continues..

Counting crows singing ‘long december’. All I can think is long 2006. And maybe next year will be better than this. Longest 4 months ever. I’m scared to make solo decisions now. Coming to the desert was totally my idea. But I had no way of knowing, right? Its like I’m on a spell. Scariest part is I end up paradoxically happy at most meloncholic moments. Early sign of psychiatric derrangement? damn! whats next?  

Who said that?

You miss 100% of the shots you dont take.